Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Starting Again -- Soul Searching

To reconnect I had to start. From the beginning.

I'd been trying to re-attend church for a great deal of time. I'd gone over and over trying to rekindle that spark that I knew existed at one time. See, the church I was attending was the same one that had brought me to Christ. Certainly, if any congregation could help me get there it would be the same one that pionnered me to His embrace in the first place. However, after my divorce that answer was an ASTOUNDING no.

With my second wife, things only got worse. Keep in mind my first wife rarely attended church -- basically only for holidays where the rest of the family was there. We were shunned. It got so bad at one point that, individuals who I remember from my youth group days would only say hi to me. Flat out ignoring my wife much less my wonderful step children.

So I quit. I decided that if God was there he either didn't want anything to do with me or he wasn't there. Regardless, I felt that Christ had certainly left the building and so did I. I had no intention of going back much less putting my family through that kind of heartache. My family had been through enough trials and if the one place you'd want solace couldn't give it, well then perhaps this whole church thing was complete and total bunk.

That worked. For a while. However, my wife and I yearned; needed that communal connection with God and certainly our kids did as well. I began exploring local Baptist churches; even going so far as to contact and talk with preachers. I was reading the bible app on my phone, listening to Christian radio. Sadly that connection just simply didn't exist. I was seeking but not doing well at the finding.

I was sad, and frankly disappointed. The good Lord gave me a responsibility to be the spiritual leader in the home and I was failing. Miserably. We even tried Sunday school in the home. Ugh. That just made matters worse and was woefully disappointing all the way around.  Everyone in the house was hurting and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I prayed loud and lonely to God for help while driving back from a client that was over an hour from home. This time my heart was open, and I heard His answer. Well, okay not heard so much as read. It was a road sign. "Same Management for 2000 years!" With a picture of Pope Benedict and the frequency of the AM Catholic station.

I thought to myself, there is no way that a prayer from a lonely Southern Baptist raised in the arms of Fundamentalists could possibly be pointed to the Catholic faith much less radio or anything to do with "those lost souls". It's at that point when I ignored something on the borderline of divine and decided to listen to the station anyway. Perhaps at the very least I could pick up some stuff that I'd been missing by not attending church.

That's when things really started to kick up.....